“Fuck it” I thought. “Too many people are trying to figure out how to get a hold of me. I asked for this.”
A little over two years ago I was in a “process coaching” group. All of us were trying to solve some kind of problem in our lives. The class was called “Set Your Intention”. Some were dealing with becoming more creative, some had childhood issues, some were starting new businesses, some were just trying to be whole. I was there because I just signed a lease on a building for 2 years and I didn’t want to fail. I felt like in the past, I was really great at starting stuff… the follow through, not so much. So there I was, the only man in the room, sitting in a circle, eyes closed, as the coach lead us through our chakras with a guided meditation. I remeber thinking, “this is crazy, but whatever, what do I have to lose?”
A little back story.
I used to play in a mid-level band on the west coast. We traveled all over the world playing music, but it never really caught on. We took a seven year stab at it before the whole thing imploded due to “irreconcilable differences”… and a lot of drinking and drugs. I was holding onto that like a life line to success. At one point it was so close I could taste it. “We’re going to make it” I thought to myself. But we didn’t and after that folded, I went into a serious depression and found myself, hungover, grey, dirty and alone. I needed a serious change, and my ex-girlfriend at the time gifted me these 5 sessions with a local Process Coach.
At the end of the meditation the coach went around to each person and asked everyone to state why they were there. “What is your intention for being here?” She asked. My response? Well, I just signed a lease. I have been creating art work for people for 20 years. I’m ready for all of that to pay off. I sheepishly said…“I guess I want to be successful.”
Within 2 weeks (2 sessions), of sitting in that circle my entire mind and body had shifted. I quickly realized that my definition of success had been all wrong. It was no longer money, a house, a car, what people thought of me or my status in the community (all of which, I was already failing in my mind). My personal success is how I feel at the end of the day, when I am all alone, with my own thoughts… “I just want to be whole” I thought. I want to be a whole person. And these things that I have been chasing my entire life… or at least as long as I could remember, were not going to fill the voids that I was physically feeling.
I spent almost 2 years in those circles, I still sit in those circles. That first 5-session-group, ended up being 100+ sessions. All this negativity that I used to attract seemed to fall away effortlessly. The woman who left me, forgave me. We’re engaged. Old friends, who seemed to be vampires in my life, faded. And in the midst of it all, I added healing my work to healing myself. Or better yet, “I want my work, to not feel like work”. I chose this. I want to do this.
As social as I seem, I’m not. I love talking to people 1-on-1. I love problem solving. I love hearing about your life, and sharing my experiences too. But when the phone rings, I sort of cringe. And when a text comes in from a client, Ahhhh! I like being a fly on the wall. I have a sign in my office that reads “No Like Work”. And in all honestly, that’s true. But when did my art become work? (future post)
Long story, less long. With that shift. With my intention about making my art my passion again, in a relatively short time my business started picking up. The art work I was creating was being sold before it was even finished. Design calls were coming in, and to this day I have to schedule them further out than I would like because there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Now, instead of just my friends asking me to help them on projects, I have clients from all over the world contacting me, asking to help brand their business. I’m commissioned to do posters, murals, wood-work. They want to see my portfolio. They want to see some of the work I have done in the past. They want to know how they can refer me to their clients, or friends, or colleagues.
“Do you have a card?”
Fuck it… “Yes. Yes, I do.”